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Archive for the ‘company’ Category

Turn the Page

You get a job, you become the job” – if this is true here I am Mr. Piece of Un-compliable code or Excel sheet with utterly unhelpful data 🙂
 
It’s been more than five years since I am working as software engineer… I have seen companies, met different people… some good (whom I admire), some gifted (whom everyone admires) and some jesters (not worth mentioning in this nice blog), I did different kinds of tasks (good, bad or ugly… it’s just a job)… but at the end of the day I am just a simple plain software engineer…
 
Many times I felt like one of those regular rickshaw drivers, who don’t know anything more than driving rickshaw… and same here, since last five years I knew nothing more than SOFTWARING (if this word is not registered then I am gonna get patent for it 🙂 ). I share few more traits with rickshaw drivers… like; I need hikes (it is deserving greed… you pay nuts then you will get monkeys to do jobs 🙂 ), even rickshaw drivers charge more than meter bill and still keep all change(chillre)… most importantly, even I like listening to loud Kannada songs (dhinga chikka… dhinggg) 🙂
 
If life is like a book (Sometimes I wonder that mine is question bank) then now it is the time to turn the page. One more day and my existence as software engineer will cease to exist… I will no more be the job I do… because technically, literally or simply I will be unemployed… but all new me, my, myself… One more time I will be student 🙂

Learning is continuous and whether I like it or not life will teach me lessons… but I decided to make this learning little professional… by attending regular classes, doing assignments and ultimately by writing exams… Frankly speaking it is quite exciting and strange feeling to go back to school again… because last time when I was in class (in engineering), few of my professors were of my current age…haa…haa 🙂

Happiness of my first pay-cheque (it was a cheque as bank account was not opened yet… still wondering where I deposited that cheque?) , frustration of missing on-sites, fun of coffee breaks, fights over appraisals, pay hike parties, slight crushes which crashed like bad code, people who were nice with me, people who inspired me, people whom I had to tolerate and people whom I don’t even bother to ignore… all contributed a bit towards shaping my personality…

Whether I liked my job or not… at the end of the day (to be precise, on the salary day) I was happy to have one… Everyday morning after almost dead-like sleep, I knew where to spend rest of the day (of course @office). Though life is uncertain but I was pretty much sure that I will meet my friends (hope they are not on planned sick leave 🙂 ), I have to finish my work and I am eligible for unlimited free coffee and a group insurance…

Tomorrow onwards few granted things and few people of my regular life will become part of the stories of my life’s experience… and consume few more bytes of my brain… but thank you guys for occupying my empty brain bytes… Thank you very much for being part of this journey… and hope to be in touch with you people when I am all set to turn the page 🙂

Generally I finish my last mails with this line:

If someone throws Lemons at you, Don’t make Lemonade… Think out of box… Ask for Tequila and Salt 🙂

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Resignation

It was quiet for a year or so… Thanks to recession, not many people showed their gymnastic skills by ‘jumping’ around the companies… Slowdown was bad for lots but it was hidden boon for few, it made few people happy… Managers, who dumbly believed that their good for nothing leadership is holding back the ‘resources’ and HR people, who thought employees are happy with their blood sucking policies…
 
But time is changing again… Companies are opening up and providing arena to my software-engineer friends to show their jumping skills… And I am glad to announce that I am one among the few guys who resigned this year from my department…
Question: What is that invented immediately after companies started?
Answer: Resignation letter 🙂
 
Resignation is integral part of my generation… my father worked 25 years in one place… For person who has resigned 3 times in last 5 years, staying at one place for 25 years is like spending few hundred million years watching Saans Bhi kabhi Bahu thi 🙂
I always believed that resigning is an art… though you can never become Da Vinci of this art but you can try your bit… Here some things people do… :
 
* Resign on Mondays… Every one hates Mondays, including your manager. So there is no harm increasing her annoyance. Good thing about resigning on Monday, whole week will go in meetings, negotiations, so total time pass.
 
* Never resign on Fridays… you will forget that you have resigned after 2 beers of Friday night party… so fun of resignation will vanish in hours.
 
* Have lots of meetings with your managers… its fun to watch them talk about unheard opportunities, untold promotions and unplanned challenges… more meetings, more you get sense of your importance [last deserving feel good factor].
[Resignation negotiation meetings are not better than discussing ‘why did chicken cross the road?’… may be it is hungry and heading towards KFC or may be it thinks road is for crossing… how does it matter???]
 
* Always roam around with big broad smile on your face after resignation… you should send encouraging waves to your colleagues… what- a-bliss it is to resign… right?
 
* Think about farewell mail… start working on draft version of farewell mail as soon as you resign… it is important. One should effectively use Latin, Greek, French, Chinese or Hieroglyphics words… more confusing the mail more information is conveyed.
 
* In team meetings talk as much as possible about process improvements… after all you are quitting. Even if your plans are implemented, your ass will not be on fire.
 
* Don’t spend too much time on exit form… your feed back paper will be used as substitute for toilet paper in next recession time… no need to prove or convey anything… just walk out 🙂
There is nothing personal about resignation… Its part and parcel of software engineer’s job… we come, we see and we jump… up… up and away 🙂

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hitch HIKE :-)

Its been long time since I posted… anyways don’t expect much from my side… after all I am not Paris Hilton to have 3 love affairs and 4 p*rn videos released in couple of months… (so sad nah…)
I had resolved to post at least one blog every month but I missed my deadline 😦 But this is the good thing about working as software engineer… even you miss a dead line still you ‘don’t mind’, knowing that deadlines are part of life and there will be incremental releases 🙂
You guys won’t believe but I was facing ‘writer’s block’… yup… in broad sense even we, bloggers, are writers, though I never heard any blogger getting Booker for his stupendous writings :-(. It’s not that NOW my life has become bland or not that I am so much involved in ‘Rakhi Ka Swayamvar’ that I forgot to post here… just I was waiting for some change to trigger me to write… Change (good/ bad) is mother of writing…
 
Finally after my companies bankruptcy, dried up cash reserve, and bailout news… I got the hike… How much??? Shhh… don’t you know it’s confidential and I can’t discuss that with you… but in short my hike is as good as winning 50 paisa in lottery… anyway in this recession year something is better than nothing… in fact, anything is OK…. and how am i feeling??? Hmmm…. feeling ‘as usual‘… That is one more thing assoicated with software engineer… over the period of time everything around us becomes so usual/ stereotype that sometime I don’t even bother to ignore/ notice things… Getting bored, getting pissed off, and getting hikes, friend’s friends going on-sites, close friends leaving company…. Every thing is usual…
 
So ”as usual” I got hike (of this year)… and… and… (after a paragraph distance) i am in party mood… so if any of you are celebrating your birthday or anniversary… or just feeling that your HR girl got married… then here i am waiting for invitation from you for the party 🙂

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piSSed oFF :-|

Smoking reduces life by 5mins, beer reduces life by 10mins… but what about compulsory working on weekend… it reduces your life by 9-10 hours… and guess what… this week I am going to lose few more extra hours of my life by working on weekend because someone in city did a strike on weekday (office was shut that day… and we have to compensate for that)… and yes… I am pissed off.
Do you know, as per the world famous survey (which I did last night), ‘I AM PISSED OFF‘ is the most commonly used line among English speaking vertebrates… ‘I LOVE BEER’ and ‘THIS JOB SUCKS‘ stand second and third… (Oh… I LOVE YOU… that’s for dumb population)

Pissed off… Not sure when it was coined but was mentioned in 1984 book ‘workers at risk’… (Very sensible…who else than workers will be pissed off)
Useless Info:
Pissed off (adj): Aroused to impatience or anger… e.g. I was pissed off by her snootiness.
If you are really really pissed off… use more pissed off/ most pissed off… not pissed ON!!!

Why I get pissed off??? Really… wonder do people really need reason to get pissed off… I think it is our legal right (and most of you agree…) to get pissed off. I bet very soon it will be included in the list basic rights given to us by constitution…
Amendment No 8765.32: Right to be pissed off‘ 🙂

Given every slightest reason, I can get pissed off… and if I don’t get reason, I simply search one to get pissed off, and if I can’t search one then, I simply get pissed off for not having reason to get pissed off… Ufff… (Am I addicted to it???).
Fortunately I find hell lot of reasons to get pissed off… If I don’t find the news paper in door way, if my apartment lift isn’t working, if mallu uncle of bakery gives less tea for 3 Rs, if traffic police gets hold of me for license, traffic jams while returning from office, if cafeteria ‘rasam’ tasted like beetle juice, seeing nosy colleague wearing yellow socks… so on… so on…

Reason for getting pissed off can have circular logic… when petrol rate reached 55Rs… I was pissed off as ‘life moving’ fuel was costlier than ‘intoxicating beer’… and when petrol rate decreased… I was annoyed again that I have to pay more for ‘air polluting’ petrol than ‘life soothing’ beer.

Insane Discovery: Kangaroo rats never get pissed off… as they don’t drink water!!!

Reasons for being pissed off can be contradictory… I get pissed off with questions.
– Why are you not getting married? Do you drive on other side of the road?
– I heard your company is bankrupt…do they pay you salary or give money plants?
Sometime answers drive me crazy…
– I like you… but you look like my cousin (when I gave pink rose to a girl on rose day)
– You get hike depending on market rate (are you talking about fish market?)

‘Sharing is fun’ that’s what we were taught… that is true… there are things which gives pleasure when shared .. like your work or last peg from your friend… just like that… even annoyance can be shared… if you think getting pissed off is fun then sharing it with others is euphoria…
– You are not happy with the fact that there is no hike this time and when you share this with your friend who is already annoyed with job cuts…. and imagine the fun of together scolding companies, economy, bailouts, Lehman brothers …

Insane Rule: A person remains in state of pissed off unless he is provoked and become more pissed off or soothed by looking at a looser who is most pissed off than himself/herself.

Is it wrong to get pissed off??? (Repeated questions also drive me nuts…)

Not at all… virtually we have every RIGHT (and practically LEFT also) to do so and it is fun. Why not… it is the meta-state in which you can avoid unwanted people (don’t come near me, I am in bad mood)…. you can avoid work (I will do this task tomorrow… I am pretty much pissed off today) or you can simply write a blog about stupidest topic so far called ‘PISSED OFF‘… 🙂

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Da Vinci Code

Problem of joining another (HUGE) company after 3 years: No friends around to talk and make fun, lots of expectation out of nothing and Code name: Bench. That’s the summary of my life at Infy so far. In a heavenly resort I find lost among the crowd which anytime surpasses the crowd of Tokyo railway station. Not only that, I am getting weird feelings about myself. Wearing full formals with neck tie, I feel that I am not in office but in some wedding reception. No traffic signals on the way to office, I feel that I never reached office. Okay.. lemme stop here and not talk about female trainees :).

Like trend as soon as I joined I got a manager (as if it’s birth right of every team member to have a manager) and a technical head (yup…. I have one) and there came my business unit head (so that makes us a full family)…. but still I lack someone here… who is it??? haan… I need a ‘team mate’. So here HE is, my team mate. And this is the saddest part of my story… i am so Bloody blessed that I always get HE peer but never SHE (hope God is not under impression that I am GAY). Can you imagine, company has 6000 employes in this unit and data of company says ‘40% females’ work here but I got a male team mate :(. I bet someone up there is behind this conspiracy… i think this reason is more than enough for me to become as ATHEIST… are u listening… .hey, listen… you damn almighty!!!…. 

Ok..ok… lets move ahead. Now whole composition looks nice so ‘get on to work’. So here I started SOMETHING which anyone can call work. I have my own derivation for the meaning of work. Work should be the one which can add value to your resume and get you good offer in another company. In other sense, work, should be the one which should send you on-site. So right now… I am content with former one.

So many distraction !!!!!!! Let me get on to work, for something which has no client and no schedule and no goal. I bet even managers won’t know what to call the thing that I am doing here, right now…. solution is simple, give a code name: BEnch. So here I am on Bench finally after three years, oh… three years of tiresome schedule. But one more small problem, only code name is bench but everything else is same. Unknown project with unscheduled deadlines and more than that I HAVE A DAMN PC also. That means I can’t spend time in library preparing for GMAT, I can’t go near training halls to see some trainee gals, I can’t take 3 hours of coffee break and I can’t have 10am to 5pm schedule. So what’s the fun, when I am on bench but still not on bench..!!!. [here I got the second reason to become a stronger Atheist… hey… at least listen this time].
So right now…. I am powered by BENCH and driven by NOTHING

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