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Archive for the ‘experience’ Category

Searching has been part of mankind since the time when nomadic man forgot his animal skin dress when he went for swimming… since then, we have been searching one or other thing… some people search very deep things, like secret to eternal happiness, and some people, like me, search for simple things, “hey!!! Where the heck is my towel???”

Long back people used to go to spiritual gurus, teachers or enlightened person to seek answers to their questions… but now they simply ‘Google it’. In one of the pub escapade my drunken friend was shouting “after God, only Google has all the answers” (that’s kinky:)

There are hundreds of books about why GOOGLE is so GOOGLE… but I think secret behind Google’s success is as simple as finding ‘lost tooth brush…’

Classified story about inception of Google goes like this…
One fine day morning, in Stanford University canteen, two random guys called Addy and Totu were having ‘batti’ (on next table two more random guys were sitting, for convenience of my story, I will call them ‘Google boys’)

Addy: Oh damn, today again, I couldn’t find my right leg socks…see my legs, I am like posing for United Colors of Benetton, two different color socks 🙂
Totu: That’s usual… men are meant to lose 3 things… socks, mobile phones and heart 🙂
Addy: You are right… socks are meant to be lost… but of all the things that I lost, I miss my mind the most…
Totu: I can sense that… why don’t you take someone’s help to search it???
Addy: But whose help….who is out there to help me search stupid things… who, Totu, who? (That’s filmy…hee…hee…)

(The next table guys over heard conversation) Ta…da….!!!!! Google boys got the idea… a search engine… where people can search for anything and everything… (And thus Google was born and everyone lived happily after)

Google is quite smart… it remembers popular searches… and above is the snap shot of Google popular searches when I typed ‘how to’…

Interesting results… isn’t it…??? (Let me see what the world is up to???)

Its quite strange that most popular search is ‘how to get pregnant’… To, dear girl/ boy (who searched this)… if you are relying on search engine to find how to get pregnant then seriously you are not ready for THIS… so please don’t try it at home… after all its internet, if something goes wrong then you might end with Himesh Reshamiya or Terminator–V 🙂

Make love… this is tricky one… there is thin line between, making love, falling in love, being in love, in love, out love or just love love… hope you people got what you wanted to know about love… else call 18009734598, popular love guru helpline.

Lose weight…and lose weight fast???
At some turn in evolution humans obsessed with weight and oral hygiene and still lot are obsessed with weight reduction… come’on all you chubby people… you are already in shape, round is a shape… so be happy with the fact geometrically you are perfect 🙂
And people who are searching ways to lose weight in faster way… listen people, are you guys trying to set Guinness record or something???  Remember first of all you are fat and more over you are impatient… so you are prone to high BP… one day you will burst like water balloon… so take it slow and take it easy

Grow taller… weirdo… what you are trying to achieve… ask Giraffe what it achieved by growing tall… nothing, null, nil, zero (unless you want to get part time job as staircase)

Kiss… you definitely don’t need Google to teach you this… you need a counterpart who is proactive … so stop excessive browsing, close the browser, shutdown your computer and hit the street, go get some life and find someone… okay?

Download youtube videos, Jailbreak iphone 3gs, tie a tie and writing a resume… I have no expert comments on these… when I don’t want to play the game; I don’t even bother to check the rules… sorry!!!

You might be wondering what the heck I was searching???

I am so disciplined, with such an awesome presence of mind that I just can’t remember one or other thing…(by the way, today again, I didn’t find my right leg one black socks)
But this time I am searching for big thing… an apartment… so my search was ‘how to find a decent cheapest apartment near City Hall MRT’ 🙂
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Mid-point crisis… this is the point at which people become indifferent between beginning and the end… like traditional Wednesday night mid-week crisis (when you are not yet recovered from last Friday’s hangover, you have to decide which pub to hit on coming Friday). So here I am at mid-point of my MBA program and indifferent between happiness of starting the course and sadness of finishing course (don’t go by my words… I really don’t mean those) 

Brain teaser: If you are at INTERmediate of the COURSE then can you call it as ‘intercourse’???
[Hmmm… before you decide that I am nasty… intercourse ALSO (that’s right… ALSO) means: mutual dealings/ social or spiritual communication… check dictionary… but anyway I like your thought process, *wink* ;)]

As per great Guatemalan philosopher Socratotle, midpoint crisis occurs because you don’t have any comparison points to anchor and thus become indifferent… that’s very true as most of the time we run our life compared to others … everything runs with comparison… Oh… she has nice shoes, I need better ones, oh… he has good grades, even I need… oh you got more hike than me… and whole life revolves around proving only one point… mine is bigger than yours… and life goes on!!!

As of now I have nothing much to compare with anything or anyone… because most of the time I am so self centered that I simply just don’t care what others are up to… so I decided to go ahead and compare Engineering and MBA course… You might think what a stupid moron I am to compare engineering with MBA… it is like comparing apples with Durians… but anyway I won’t give two cents to your thinking which thinks my thinking is unthinkably moronic…

Knowledge cave#1: Durian is a tropical fruit and I feel, apparently for no particular reason it is quite popular in this part of the world… poetically it is praised as ‘smells like hell but tastes like heaven’ (and they really mean it) 

It is weird train of thought but there is a remarkable difference between engineering and MBA programs apart from the fact that from engineering course engineers come out (theoretically) and MBA courses produce managers (*really???*)

I feel, engineering is more of conclusion based, not many assumptions (except that next batch girls will be much prettier than this batch), and definite answers… yup… a definite 5 decimal point precision answers… so most of the time engineers know what is happening and what gonna happen next… because they know things will work as per theory… see even stupid Zener Diode of our electronics laboratory knew that it has to undergo voltage drop at breakdown voltage of 7 volts… no further arguments… just breakdown… asthe !!!


Engineering course really didn’t give much space or time (even though it was 4 year course) to discuss… (Or is it that my friends and I didn’t do it). I don’t remember discussing why we use ‘if-else-default’ condition rather than ‘this way – that way – highway’ condition… it’s not that engineers are not much intellectually challenged with their course but we largely trust others’ inventions, discoveries and theories and save the time…(what is the point in reinventing wheel… just ride the bike and reach nearest pub… that’s pretty smart haan!!!

Engineers (at least me) are intuition based people… intuition is nothing but fastest way of reaching conclusion by skipping intermediate steps… if conclusion is wrong then simply call it ‘draft version1.0’ and restart one more round of intuition… 🙂

But MBA is totally different story… it’s about assumptions and discussions… and hell lot of discussions… and challenging idle brain cells to think a lot and listen a lot to others’ points (at times bullshit)…  I strongly believe that discussion is good way of looking an object from multiple angles with multiple lenses (wow… i am so, so involved…)

There is inherent problem with discussion… because ‘it depends’… it depends who is there in discussion, what they want to discuss… are they interested in solution or just love discussions… and most importantly, ‘when is the presentation deadline??’ 🙂
When there are more exceptions than rules and more opinions than information then discussions tend to happen and conclusion becomes distant dreams…(like my dream of dating Megan Fox… woo…woo)… That’s the reason (in class) we are taught that ‘it’s not about arriving at conclusion but process behind it’…(managers always have some explanation in hand… pretty smart haan!!!)

In short, management is about systematically deducing a process (with discussions) considering all risks and rewards (with some more discussions) and arriving at conclusion (wrong one…oops…)… If deduced wrong conclusion makes even the slightest of the sense then call it ‘new business model’ 🙂

So hope that explains why engineers don’t appreciate managers’ methods of working… its not just pay scale but they are fundamentally different… that is the reason why engineers and managers never understand each others’ words though both are talking in same language… and that explains why few of my friends laughed when I told that I will do MBA 🙂

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I think I am becoming too conscious about my thoughts and words these days… after the controversy about one of my earlier blogs (ironically, the controversial blog was the most popular one), I am trying to control my flying thoughts but for a guy with abundant thoughts, its little difficult… but I will try my level best 🙂
 
Here I am one more time, after turning the page… doing my MBA on an island country. Looks like I have strange connection with islands, then Japan and now Singapore. Actually I am not a sea loving person (philosophically oceans are quite complicated for me… don’t ask why/ how… just read on :-), I rather like mountains but whenever I step out of India, I land on an island… I know few of you are praying that next time I should land on Antarctica…Hmmm…
 
My student life is somewhat different than my friends’. Most of them went to West and I decided to go in opposite direction (now don’t give me super logic that earth is round and whatever goes around comes around). Anyway east is east… close to home and close to heart 🙂 I had this stereotype picture about studying abroad… wearing big Jackets, cold weather and snow (thanks to pictures posted by my friends)… anyway I don’t like cold (Oh… my God… I dislike more things/places than actually I like) so here I am on humid island… except air-con and ‘rum on the rocks’ most of things are hot here (I am just referring to weather 🙂 )
 
In this student avatar few things have changed… Like I have lost sense of dates (no… no… this is not island effect on my cerebral appendicitis cortex). All dates look same to me now. When I was working, I used to wait for month end, the salary day… Of course for a person who was earning 6 million INR per month it must be big day… right?? (Oops… I think I ignored the decimal point 🙂 ). Anyway 30 or 31 or 1st were motivating and the most beautiful dates for me… Hurray!!! 24 days to go for salary. But now 30, 31 and 1 are just three consecutive days of calendar (in fact numbers, of which a number is prime). I have stopped counting and waiting for month ends… Now all I count is the deadline for the assignment.
 
Weekends… there are no more weekends… need to study every day. Things just go on and on and on… Remember the gazelle which wakes up every day morning in planes of Serengeti and starts running to beat the fastest lion… yeah… right… I am feeling like that Lion which wants to catch at least the slowest Gazelle 🙂 Things move fast… so need to catch up with lots of things…
I got chance to work (to be precise, study) and interact with people who are not software engineers… being in Bangalore and being a software engineer, most of people I knew (except my family and relatives) were either software engineers or security guards of my office… good to meet people from different professions… Still I believe software engineers are special race 🙂
 
Few months back food and beverages were not a major issue for me… if I think, even today they are not… but now I am surviving on loan and sudd…suddenly I feel guilty that I am spending a lot (can’t help this feeling)… so can’t spend like good old days and can’t spend loads of time in search of new restaurants (which was my favorite sports in Bangalore)… In great Chime Tester Santossss words, “now I am just another poor man in rich-man’s country :)” [Still Maggie has not become my regular food]
 
After living in big apartment for years today I am sharing place with 4 people, no more free incoming calls and I wait till 8PM to make or receive calls, regular idli-vada-sambhar have become exotic now, forget the Tata-sky I don’t even have TV to follow up the Roadies, now I watch movies (clips) on youtube… friends who were just bike ride away are now portals on facebook… Oh… by the way… before coming here or even before applying for University, I knew this is the way it will be and I was/am ready for this… but most important thing is I am learning… I am learning new subjects and concepts and I am liking it… sometimes I feel topics are in Hieroglyphics… but when damn Sphinx can understand Hieroglyphics then MBA is not that hard for me… aag hogli matte… 🙂
I am so confused and clueless… it’s not writer’s block but I think I am becoming too conscious about my thoughts and words these days… after the controversy about one of my earlier blogs (ironically, the controversial blog is the most popular one), I am trying to control my flying thoughts but for a guy with abundant sarcasm and cynicism its little difficult… but I will try my level best 🙂
Here I am one more time, after turning the page… doing my MBA on an island country. Looks like I have strange connection with islands, then Japan and now Singapore. Actually I am not a sea loving person (philosophically seas/oceans are quite complicated for me… don’t ask why/ how… just read on :-), I rather like mountains but whenever I step out of India, I land on an island… I know few of you are praying that next time I should land on Antarctica…Hmmm…
My student life is somewhat different than my friends’. Most of them went to West and I decided to go in opposite direction (now don’t give me super logic that earth is round and whatever goes around comes around). Anyway east is east… close to home and close to heart 🙂 I had this stereotype picture about studying abroad… wearing big Jackets, cold weather and snow (thanks to pictures posted by my friends)… anyway I don’t like cold (Oh… my God… I dislike more things/places/people than actually I like) so here I am on humid island… except air-con and ‘rum on the rocks’ most of things are hot here (I am just referring to weather 🙂
In this student avatar few things have changed… Like I have lost sense of dates (no… no… this is not island effect on my cerebral appendicitis cortex). All dates look same to me now. When I was working, I used to wait for month end, the salary day… Of course for a person who was earning 6 million INR per month it must be big day… right?? (Oops… I think I ignored the decimal point :-). Anyway 30 or 31 or 1st were motivating and the most beautiful dates for me… Hurray!!! 24 days to go for salary. But now 30, 31 and 1 are just three consecutive days of calendar (in fact numbers, of which a number is prime). I have stopped counting and waiting for month ends… Now all I count is the deadline for the assignment.
Weekends… there are no more weekends… need to read every day. Things just go on and on and on… Remember the gazelle which wakes up every day morning in planes of Serengeti and starts running to beat the fastest lion… yeah… right… I am feeling like that Lion which wants to catch at least the slowest Gazelle 🙂 Things move fast… so need to catch up with lots of things…
I got chance to work (to be precise, study) and interact with people who are not software engineers… being in Bangalore and being a software engineer, most of people I knew (except my family and relatives) were either software engineers or security guards of my office… good to meet people from different professions… Still I believe software engineers are special race 🙂
Few months back food and beverages were not a major issue for me… if I think, even today they are not… but now I am surviving on loan and sudd…suddenly I feel guilty that I am spending a lot (can’t help this feeling)… so can’t spend like good old days and can’t spend loads of time in search of new restaurants (which was my favorite sports in Bangalore)… In great Chime Tester Santossss words, “now I am just another poor man in rich-man’s country :)” [Still Maggie has not become my regular food]
After living in big apartment for years today I am sharing place with 4 people, no more free incoming calls and I wait till 8PM to make or receive calls, regular idli-vada-sambhar have become exotic now, forget the Tata-sky I don’t even have TV to follow up the Roadies, now I watch movies (clips) on youtube… friends who were just bike ride away are now portals on facebook… Oh… by the way… before coming here or even before applying for University, I knew this is the way it will be and I was/am ready for this… but most important thing is I am learning… I am learning new subjects and concepts and I am liking it… sometimes I feel topics are in Hieroglyphics… but when damn Sphinx can understand Hieroglyphics then MBA is not that hard for me… aag hogli matte… 🙂

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Turn the Page

You get a job, you become the job” – if this is true here I am Mr. Piece of Un-compliable code or Excel sheet with utterly unhelpful data 🙂
 
It’s been more than five years since I am working as software engineer… I have seen companies, met different people… some good (whom I admire), some gifted (whom everyone admires) and some jesters (not worth mentioning in this nice blog), I did different kinds of tasks (good, bad or ugly… it’s just a job)… but at the end of the day I am just a simple plain software engineer…
 
Many times I felt like one of those regular rickshaw drivers, who don’t know anything more than driving rickshaw… and same here, since last five years I knew nothing more than SOFTWARING (if this word is not registered then I am gonna get patent for it 🙂 ). I share few more traits with rickshaw drivers… like; I need hikes (it is deserving greed… you pay nuts then you will get monkeys to do jobs 🙂 ), even rickshaw drivers charge more than meter bill and still keep all change(chillre)… most importantly, even I like listening to loud Kannada songs (dhinga chikka… dhinggg) 🙂
 
If life is like a book (Sometimes I wonder that mine is question bank) then now it is the time to turn the page. One more day and my existence as software engineer will cease to exist… I will no more be the job I do… because technically, literally or simply I will be unemployed… but all new me, my, myself… One more time I will be student 🙂

Learning is continuous and whether I like it or not life will teach me lessons… but I decided to make this learning little professional… by attending regular classes, doing assignments and ultimately by writing exams… Frankly speaking it is quite exciting and strange feeling to go back to school again… because last time when I was in class (in engineering), few of my professors were of my current age…haa…haa 🙂

Happiness of my first pay-cheque (it was a cheque as bank account was not opened yet… still wondering where I deposited that cheque?) , frustration of missing on-sites, fun of coffee breaks, fights over appraisals, pay hike parties, slight crushes which crashed like bad code, people who were nice with me, people who inspired me, people whom I had to tolerate and people whom I don’t even bother to ignore… all contributed a bit towards shaping my personality…

Whether I liked my job or not… at the end of the day (to be precise, on the salary day) I was happy to have one… Everyday morning after almost dead-like sleep, I knew where to spend rest of the day (of course @office). Though life is uncertain but I was pretty much sure that I will meet my friends (hope they are not on planned sick leave 🙂 ), I have to finish my work and I am eligible for unlimited free coffee and a group insurance…

Tomorrow onwards few granted things and few people of my regular life will become part of the stories of my life’s experience… and consume few more bytes of my brain… but thank you guys for occupying my empty brain bytes… Thank you very much for being part of this journey… and hope to be in touch with you people when I am all set to turn the page 🙂

Generally I finish my last mails with this line:

If someone throws Lemons at you, Don’t make Lemonade… Think out of box… Ask for Tequila and Salt 🙂

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Resignation

It was quiet for a year or so… Thanks to recession, not many people showed their gymnastic skills by ‘jumping’ around the companies… Slowdown was bad for lots but it was hidden boon for few, it made few people happy… Managers, who dumbly believed that their good for nothing leadership is holding back the ‘resources’ and HR people, who thought employees are happy with their blood sucking policies…
 
But time is changing again… Companies are opening up and providing arena to my software-engineer friends to show their jumping skills… And I am glad to announce that I am one among the few guys who resigned this year from my department…
Question: What is that invented immediately after companies started?
Answer: Resignation letter 🙂
 
Resignation is integral part of my generation… my father worked 25 years in one place… For person who has resigned 3 times in last 5 years, staying at one place for 25 years is like spending few hundred million years watching Saans Bhi kabhi Bahu thi 🙂
I always believed that resigning is an art… though you can never become Da Vinci of this art but you can try your bit… Here some things people do… :
 
* Resign on Mondays… Every one hates Mondays, including your manager. So there is no harm increasing her annoyance. Good thing about resigning on Monday, whole week will go in meetings, negotiations, so total time pass.
 
* Never resign on Fridays… you will forget that you have resigned after 2 beers of Friday night party… so fun of resignation will vanish in hours.
 
* Have lots of meetings with your managers… its fun to watch them talk about unheard opportunities, untold promotions and unplanned challenges… more meetings, more you get sense of your importance [last deserving feel good factor].
[Resignation negotiation meetings are not better than discussing ‘why did chicken cross the road?’… may be it is hungry and heading towards KFC or may be it thinks road is for crossing… how does it matter???]
 
* Always roam around with big broad smile on your face after resignation… you should send encouraging waves to your colleagues… what- a-bliss it is to resign… right?
 
* Think about farewell mail… start working on draft version of farewell mail as soon as you resign… it is important. One should effectively use Latin, Greek, French, Chinese or Hieroglyphics words… more confusing the mail more information is conveyed.
 
* In team meetings talk as much as possible about process improvements… after all you are quitting. Even if your plans are implemented, your ass will not be on fire.
 
* Don’t spend too much time on exit form… your feed back paper will be used as substitute for toilet paper in next recession time… no need to prove or convey anything… just walk out 🙂
There is nothing personal about resignation… Its part and parcel of software engineer’s job… we come, we see and we jump… up… up and away 🙂

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good OLD

Long back… man was very busy in doing interesting things… like inventing fire, dancing around fire, inventing wheel, and then inventing 3 more wheels (for Theju’s car)… inventing words, especially abusive words… later man got busy in building Pyramids, and waging wars (sadly even till today he haven’t stopped this bad habit)… And one day man got really really bored of all these things… and invented TV (hurrraaayyyy…)
 
“I am one of those guys who have utmost respect for this invention… it’s not idiot’s box in any sense… today with hundreds of channels, thousands of programs… starting from cookery shows to tear showering daily soaps… reality shows to news… TV is full of something (not necessarily useful). If you are a software engineer and especially a bachelor software engineer… I bet you will share same views as mine 🙂
 
“But things were quite simple few years back… there was only one channel… or in fact TV was synonym for Door-Darshan (or vice a versa)… some news, some nice homely programs and lots of ‘sorry for interruption’ or ‘rukawat ke liye khed hai’ screen… Round the clock non-stop blabbering was remotely relevant then… even DD people used to sleep along with transmission… Luckily, I belong to the generation which has seen good old DD… I have seen Ramayan, Mahabharat and ever thrilling ‘Byomkesh Bakshi’ and Sundays I used to get up early for ‘Rangoli’ and then Jungle book, Chandrakantha… I am not sure whether for good or not… that time we had only two options, either DD or go out to play/study…
 
Why the phrase good OLD things??? Is it because we like old things or because we like the same things better when we become old???
 
Today there are so many programs that I loose track what to watch… after browsing number of channels; I end up either watching History Channel or F TV (yes… my tastes are miles apart). Imagine one day if all channels disappear from air… and all you have is DD to watch…. Hmmm… big deal… life will be same with one less confusion, ‘which channel to watch?’
 
DD was government of India channel… so viewer used to watch more or less what minister of broadcasting wants to show… Some might claim that DD had unilateral view of government… but what is happening now??? Every one is broadcasting something or other but in any case things are far from truth. Thanks to people who have more opinion than information and unfortunately they are running this business… In the name of right of expression or intellectual liberty things are going too far, too bad and too ugly. [I am just being diplomatic here and don’t want to pin point any examples…]
 
What is similarity between Reality shows and today’s news channels??
Answer: Both are staged, tailored and censored as per editor/lobbyist.
 
So be it good or bad… once DD stood for TV… and last week good old DD celebrated its 50th birthday (Happy belated birthday, DD). Door-Darshan was started with aim to broadcast information… now we are in era of information… so broadcast unbiased, authentic, truth… Someone has put lot of effort for us by inventing TV… so please don’t make his invention an idiot’s box…
 
Sorry for interruption…. Pyaaaaannnnnkkkkkk…..

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Everyone who walks will fall and so did I, I fell from bike (No, no… I was not walking on bike). How, why, where that is not important now…

It was not my first or the scariest accident which is worth to be updated in blog. [Once I went under a moving van… thanks to Tejaji and his riding skills] But this is the only accident after which I was admitted to hospital and first time I had CT scan.

CT scan is really scary shit especially if you are a ‘Bollywood movie buff’. When I was inside that tube like thing… I could imagine all those movies where in hero is put under CT scanner and comes out with some unheard weird ‘alienized’ brain problem… and he becomes love-psychopath and sacrifices his feelings and starts acting like a ‘sophisticated pimp’ and make sure that before he dies he fixes his girlfriend (a cute actress) with a hunk. [‘SKULL’ HONA HO….]

By the way my CT scan report was not scary; I was told that my brain fissures match with those of George Bush, Pamela Anderson and Michael Jackson. [Anyway I am glad that after E&C engineering and 3-4 years of ‘software slaving’ and unlimited love crashes, I have something called, brain :)]

I underwent lots of tests (whichever covered under Infy medical policies) like X-ray, Y-ray, blood test, urine test, HIV test, BP test, integration test, Confirmation Test, black box test, functionality test… After those tests I got admission to general ward. (Feeling of receiving hospital ‘admit’ card was not different than receiving E&C engineering admission card… trust me). To reward my effort I was given a pair of blue pajama and shirt… :).

Tip for hospital 1: Whatever they give as uniform, wear it… don’t ask “Do you have M-size in this?” or “I like rosy pink… it sends positive waves”… Otherwise ward boy will give a look of ‘what a creep’ to you.
Tip for hospital 2: Never get admitted to hospital and that also to a general ward… Most of the people who are giving company to patients (especially old ladies) behave as if hospital is socializing place and start conversation about personal things like salary, age, and job

Hmm…It was quite a good relaxation/rest time for me in hospital… I didn’t have to move from my bed (ok…6 times I had to step out for tea and batti), I didn’t have to think about how to spend the weekend, I could think of all the things which I never did (transsexual alien behavior, marriage rituals of ‘Zulu’ tribe) and people came to see me with fruits and ‘get well soon’ cards. [Ok, last one didn’t happen… If you have friends who are just like you then no point in expecting such gifts]

Our (mine and my friend’s) world runs on simple rules: fruits are the things which are used in Kannada ‘hot songs’, drink juices only to get over the Saturday Night hangover… and greeting card is costly, and no one is worth it :).… So my beloved friends who visited me at hospital laughed on my state, few took my snaps in their mobile ‘cameras’, and few discussed whether my scar will vanish or not (just to make sure whether I can still replace Puneet Rajkumar) and some invited me to come to ‘pub’ if I feel ok by 9PM (My beloved friends) 🙂

The rest of the story is already part of history… I was discharged, I came home… my friend’s thought I was worth that accident as it taught me a lesson (I am not a student anymore to learn lessens… right?), even now I tell my manager that I have impact on my brain and doctor has asked me not to take stress, some times I get scared to ride my bike (i no more feel like invincible), my hospital bills are settled, I had to spent 400 bucks on my bike, and got a scar on my for head (kind of local Harry Potter)

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