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I woke up with bad headache… felt as if anu malik is trying his hands on hard metal. I closed my eyes for sometime… ‘sleep angel’ might have already decided to wake me up… anyway the daily pursuit of bread and jam has to be started… So reluctantly i gathered my ‘will’ and got up from bed…
As per routine collected the news paper from the door… and as usual I gave a glance on the opposite flat door with the anticipation of seeing that babe who lives in that house. And as usual disappointed with the ugly closed brown door….

While reading the crap things in news paper… my cell indicated of new SMS.
I thought, must be one of my friends who is traveling in company bus with mammoth reluctance to move his ass towards office and is spreading the bad Monday morning mood with some nonsense message. So I decided not to entertain stupidity of any sort at this hour…

But again i changed my decision and decided to check SMS… thinking that someone has sent a nice wish to me … wish me… for what??? it isn’t my ‘happy’ birthday… not anniversary (oh.. i am not married also)… so what is it that i am receiving at 7:20 in the morning…

I checked it… It was from unknown number…. and it started, “GM, Adi. I know its weird, i read ur mail n realized that i should give myself a chance to understand u. may be u r the one i am looking for, tanx for everything, ur help, ur patience to hear me. i want to meet u, take things further… it is too early but I L U… i liked everything about u… ur bike, ur stories, ur escapades, ur machi, ur totu, ur paddu, ur FIL, ur athani, ur moods, ur shayaris, ur blogs… ur GMAT, ur theories, ur laughter, ur jokes, ur ridiculous blush, ur milds, ur beers, ur stupid dressing sense… and ur affection for me… :-)”

Getting romantic message from unknown number is like winning 50 paisa in a lottery. May be it is some kind of joke… politically incorrect joke… or a technically incorrect one !!!!!!

I was reluctant to call back to that number… just don’t wanted to make fool of myself on Monday morning… I know my friends won’t wait for ‘April 1st’ to make fool of people…. when you have friends who are like you then you tend to get suspicious about such things πŸ™‚

With big questions and slight happiness in mind i took bath… and in next 15 minutes i read the same message again and again (more than 20 times…). It was incomplete in sense… it kept on returning me void, kind of dangling pointer… (a true sense software engineer, i am, who thinks everything in terms of code) What is that mail, which i wrote and to whom…. thanks to saturday night bliss…. which made me forget pretty many things πŸ™‚ That is the problem with having crush on more than one… and try to be senti with each and everyone when HIGH….

Before locking the door (to go to office), I decided to have a cigarette (for the road, as I say)… sitting on the staircase, I decided to read the message one more time… (for the road πŸ™‚ May be will get some hint in it… it still seemed like Da Vinci Code… wanted to trace it and if it is a boy then decided to kill him…. i made a ‘to do’ for the day…trace the person from office number… πŸ™‚

Cell beeped…
“I’m coming to bng to meet u… landing @10AM… hope, u be there… love u, r*s*ena :)”
[Name is hidden for the sake of the security of my future kids]

&*&$^! ^&#$^(*&^ &*%#@!) ^%^$#$***@
I went blank… i didn’t know how to react… what to reply… i thought i am wandering in some wild dream… pinched myself… oouch…. very much true it was…

What will happen next??? … but at least now, i need to meet the girl from airport… the girl, whom i had met couple of times… i liked her in the very first look… somehow i liked her… her eyes, her hairs, her lips, her smile, her ear-rings, her hindi… her favorite one line, ‘I love Rhotak’.. she was/is perfect…:) Most of the people won’t agree but i felt that she looks like Vidya Balan…
So i headed for the airport… and its long way… and i made sure to buy red roses for her… lots of roses… (though I felt reddiness of those flowers were dim compared to her smile) and while riding my bike I could visualize her face… and it brought a shy smile on my lips… and may be a euphoric sense, as monday morning i was not only skipping the office but meeting someone who made my day (may be coming years)

I’m gone see her after 3 months… I knew that I will miss her before she left mysore… so I had copied her ‘stamp size’ photo from her Orkut profile. Anyway in that 10×26 resolution photo no one can make difference between ape man and I. But somehow i could fill those blurr pixel with my imagination… and make a picture perfect πŸ™‚ I looked at the watch… it was still 8:30… and the song which was playing on i-pod… Tu hi meri shab hai.. subah hai.. tu hi din hai mera…” really synched with my mood.

I was thinking of her so much that I couldn’t even see the traffic signal going green… and was standing in the front row of traffic and holding the traffic on ransom of my thoughts.
‘HONK… HONK….. HONK…..’…. a majestic truck started honking for the way…..

And I woke up….
With alarm sound… Checked the time, it was still 7:15 in the morning… “Oh god damn… monday morning…:(“

PS: I decided not to watch Vidya Balan movies/songs or Jab We Met when I am alone πŸ™‚

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Disclaimer:
I wrote this blog two years back, when I had achieved the pinnacle in confusioning myself with love matters… even now nothing has changed except I am little older and more confused… so posting it now.
Any relevance of this theory to DDLJ, KKHH, AAPJ, MNJ, NBC, PQR (any combination of alphabets) is just coincidental or inspired. Characters names in this story have been changed due to security of my future kids and my pet dog. Any reference to “ME” is me that is me only.

Why am I telling you this theory?
Good call pal….as you know Tuesday is Valentine’s Day, the day when couples express their love as if from next day onwards they will start living in different Galaxies… okay, leave it, anyway I never played the game, so I shouldn’t make rules. I think everyone…yes everyone wait for this day and plan big for this day… some as couple and few as single πŸ™‚ [I belong to latter]

This is my 23rd valentine’s day and still I have hope that one day in my life I will celebrate this day. (What a confusing statement?) Its not that I am sitting here and staring these stupid monitor pixels and decided not to do anything about it and wait for a miracle that a girl will come in search of me like in some stupid Uday Chopra movie. I played my game not once but again and again…… ho…Ho…Don’t expect anything from this end……

The normal IQ people do resolutions on New Year…But I know few mammals do resolutions on Valentine’s day, “next time on this day I will be with a GIRL“…cool… I think everyone who is single and ready to mingle do this resolution but no one discuss such things, but secretly everyone does….okay …even I do. But in reality you will find me doing same resolution on this day next year also. And moreover to insult my injury, the girl for whom I made this resolution will be sitting in a coffee day and sipping coffee with some random guy.


I have my own stories of attempts which I did to celebrate valentine’s day as COUPLE…. but most of the time my partner would be my room mate, who is one more creature not better than me in any sense except NONSENSE . I think he is the one who made me realize that to be happy I should have a girl friend…. as if all the people on this planet who are single are nothing but Zombies. The very first time when I had this realization about my existence and root of happiness I started my venture, which most of the time turned out to be COMIC strip.

Trust me, quest for GOOD LOOKING girl is more adventurous than the ‘Columbus’ expedition to find new world. Sometime I feel like Indiana Jones, who will solve mystery by understanding what I am up to, because my chases started in confusion and ended in more confusions (as good as starting with logic low and ending at very, very logic low).

I really wonder how it happened first time…. whatever it was…. I just want to forget it….. but don’t know who designed this brain, it happens that it will remember data which I want to forget. When Miss Q who ditched me for first time saying that I look like her brother… instead she could have shot me dead with Bofors, how stupid I looked when I proposed Miss L in front of her boy friend… first time I felt gravitation is myth why not I am getting pulled inside the earth. And it will forget the things which I want to remember even though it is useless (when was the first time I met her…there goes SIXER)

Good Looking Girls (adj.): The female species which needs to fulfill more requirements than US visa application, from guy’s point of view
Boy Friend (verb, noun, abuse): It is a species which thinks that it is privileged (blessed) one…..but…..

Sometimes I feel why any of my stories didn’t click. I think my approach was NOT THAT GOOD (I really don’t know what it stands for). I really wonder after all these centuries of evolution there is no MANual to which I can refer for this APPROACH. I feel all these CMMI level 5 and six sigma are used where things go smooth without them and there is no standardization in most basic arena of life….. It’s true that its complicated to understand girl but come on…. at least one (koi…ek…mai…ka…laal)…. might have figured it out….. So after all these days of living in civilization, I feel all my ancestors were ‘really’ monkeys who couldn’t normalize one SMALL problem.

Finally I figured out the main area of problem……. it is communication (HR approach…) In most of conversations even though I was talking with her in English at the end of conversation I feel we were talking in two different languages (may be mine was more tribal). Is it not great that after one hour of call except my phone bill nothing changed between me and her? Whatever was my approach, it shaped my own character which I am still analyzing. Either I would get a complement that I am HUMOROUS as if I am Govinda, who laughs on his own jokes. If I get more closer then she might tell me how her ex boy friend ditched her….Bla…bla…bla… and use my shoulder to cry as if my shirt is meant to dry her ocean of tears and if I get more closer to her then she will tell what characters she wants in her man… (Sometime if you mix all these characters he won’t be any different than good looking Robot…)

Basically I really hate this building conversations with girl. It really hurts my non existing ethics when I know that there is no common factor between us except that her ancestors were also monkeys. Viz. where did you buy those cute pair of shoes (imagine…cute…that also shoes…), so how is your brother (as if her brother hunts dinosaurs everyday…..), What food you like most??? (i really thank God that she never answered as cooked octopus)

Actually to have a girl in my life I should be ready to answer stupid questions and should make choices which should be same as hers (then why those were called options… ) Viz. whom do you like more Amit sana or abhishek sawant (are they her cousins? Thank god she didn’t ask me to SMS my choice) Do you like Westlife?? (Common…I know what Westside is….) Do you smoke????? (No girl…if I am out of cash then I prefer Bee Dee also)… And in most of the cases I have to ADAPT myself to her environment (Thank you Darwin uncle….).

By reading the above lines anyone can tell that why I don’t have girl friend (most of you might be thinking that i don’t deserve one). Anyway this is me…. and this is my story….. I agree that I wrote above theory but still want to fall for someone, the reason may be I am living in present for the future… may be the bad person inside me wants to be “NOT THAT BAD”…or may be I want to be dumped one more time πŸ™‚

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